Transforming Rejection Into Redirection with Tyler Buckingham

In this episode, I chat with Tyler Buckingham, a mindset and self-development coach with a background in sports, stunt work and acting, about navigating rejection, self-worth and confidence in creative careers. Tyler shares how early acting rejections and a disappointing SAG project helped him reframe “no’s” as protection and redirection, and how starting an unplanned fitness business evolved into coaching focused on self-worth, habits and perspective shifts. We discuss imposter syndrome as something to manage rather than eliminate, practical confidence-building through small actions (“you cannot edit a blank page”), showing humanity on social media while staying consistent, and why Tyler believes manifestation without action is ineffective. Tyler also reflects on identity shifts, rest and recovery, stoic ideas, and his wellness community The Bucking Fit Life.

Tyler Buckingham YouTube: www.youtube.com/@officialtylerbuckingham

Tyler Buckingham TikTok: tiktok.com/@officialtylerbuckingham

Tyler Buckingham Instagram: instagram.com/officialtylerbuckingham

Transcript

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[00:00:00] Welcome to Coast to Coast Creatives, a podcast for and about working professional artists within the entertainment industry. I'm your host, Joe Funk, and here we interview actors, directors, writers, photographers, and many, many more. Today's guest is Tyler Buckingham, a health and wellness coach and actor whose journey is packed with lessons everyone can learn from, no matter what path you're on.

[00:00:31] Tyler got his start in stunt work and made his way into the Atlanta acting scene, landing roles on shows like Vampire Diaries, Will Trent, and Peacemaker. We talk about what it's really like to face constant rejection in the film industry, and how Tyler completely reshaped his relationship with being told no.

[00:00:50] From there, Tyler opens up about a side of his life most people don't get to see. He gets brutally honest about the fact that hitting his own weight loss goal didn't fix what he thought it would. We get into what it actually looks like to obsess over your body image and your weight loss progress, and how he found his way out of that mindset.

[00:01:11] We also dig deep into imposter syndrome. Why chasing followers can actually make your life harder instead of easier. And Tyler dissects the idea of manifestation without action. This is a conversation about identity, renovation, and figuring out who you are when the plan you started completely falls apart.

[00:01:32] Let's get into it.

[00:01:37] Today I'm sitting down with Tyler Buckingham, a mindset and self-development coach helping people overcome self-doubt and step into who they're actually truly meant to be. And honestly, I think that this is going to be a great conversation for any creative out there. How you doing today, man? I'm good. I'm good.

[00:01:56] How are you? I'm doing great. Before we get into the mindset and before we get into- Mm-hmm ... to where your career has taken you, I wanna hear a little bit about your creative upbringing. I know you- Mm ... as a actor, as a photographer, and kind of an all around creative. So tell me a little bit about your journey into your creative self.

[00:02:19] Yeah. I, I think the, the first thing that I would say is, like, I love to play. Like, growing up, we were always playing sports. It was never acting or arts or anything like that. I did a little bit of, like, drawing and coloring as a kid, but once sports took over, that was the creative outlet, and I could play in that way.

[00:02:42] But I went to college to play football and basketball. I got injured. I then fell into stunt work. I don't know why it took on like it did, but I took a combat class, and I was like, "This is fascinating. What is this?" And so that was me at 18 years old. Whatever this is, I want more of it. And for the next two years, I auditioned for a school play, I kept doing my stage combat class, and then I moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee to attend the professional actor training program.

[00:03:20] Two-year program. It was great. I kept doing stunts, and then it was like, "All right, where next?" And you have LA and you have New York, but in 2014, Atlanta was really booming, and I was like, already so close. Proximity-wise, I'm like, am I gonna go way out west, up into New York, where you're dealing with more people who've been doing it for far longer, or do I try and see what Atlanta is like and has opportunity for me?

[00:03:50] So I did that, and sure enough, that's where I started to get into more of the acting world. I first got plugged in with The Vampire Diaries, and so that's how I got introduced into the film industry here in Atlanta. I was studying. I was learning. I was talking with the grips. I was talking with the PAs. I was talking with lighting, with crew.

[00:04:11] And because of those relationships that I made with them, it also allowed acting opportunities when they did their thing. That's, that's a fun journey that you've been on. When you were acting, how do you- Handle rejection because that's something that you are going to come across a lot- Mm-hmm ... within that career.

[00:04:33] No matter how good you are, no matter how lucky you are, there's gonna be more nos than yeses. Absolutely. How did you personally deal with that as an actor? In the beginning, not well. You question your worth. You start auditioning for things that, "Is this how people see me? Is this who I am?" The roles I get are villains, like very angry, mean, violent.

[00:04:58] I think it's to do with my eyebrows. Like, I have sharp features. But as an actor, like I know how to play into that- Yeah ... and I know how to not do that in my own life. Yeah. But dealing with that rejection, until about three or four years in, like when it was 2017, I actually booked a role, and they added some things after the fact that they didn't tell me about.

[00:05:23] Mm. Essentially, they added scenes where my character was going to simulate certain acts. This was not discussed, and it was a SAG project, so that was very disappointing for me as an actor. Like, you're here to protect me, but you weren't. But I recognized in that moment that, okay, I've d- been doing this for three years.

[00:05:45] That rejection, that piece of like, am I good enough? Am I going to make it? So many other people give up, don't make it, you name it. This has nothing to do with my value. This has to do with them getting what they want, and they will find that from anybody, and it just slightly shifted how I viewed rejection.

[00:06:08] That was protection. That was redirection. That was, what is meant for me will not miss me. I needed to go through that lesson so that every audition since, I don't have that same attachment 'cause, you know, you get the, oh, here, this project shoots in Poland for three months, and you'd be perfect for it, and you get excited.

[00:06:29] You're like, "Oh my gosh, this is gonna be the best thing ever," and then, "I'm gonna have to fly these people over and then do this and..." Crickets. And rather than taking that personally, now it's, "Okay. Great. I need to keep doing what I'm doing. I would love to be a part of it, but if I have to jump through all these hoops and do all these things, am I still being true to who I am, or am I just getting better at playing your game?"

[00:07:00] So it really allowed me to re- reframe how I looked at those projects that I really wanted. And at that point, for this particular project, I'd been auditioning for a month. I was across from the lead, who was an ABC Family regular, and I was like, "This is it." And then that stuff came in, and it was like Okay.

[00:07:31] I had to change my relationship to rejection. Rather than seeing it as a bad thing, thank you. Thank you for protecting me from that. Thank you for allowing me a different opportunity. And these are things, I mean, I want them badly, but if I can go as, "Oh, okay. That wasn't mine I gotta move on. So is it about finding a certain level of gratitude regardless of the outcome?

[00:08:05] To a degree, yes. Like, I'm not gonna be that person who's like, "You have to find gratitude in everything." I do think finding less negativity is more important than always f- being positive. Like with rejection, I'm not good enough, I can't handle it, I'm not gonna make it. I wasn't right for that part. That wasn't gonna be a good fit.

[00:08:26] The working environment might have been terrible. Driving to set every day could have blown out a tire. Like, there are so many other things that we can't know, and if somebody else gets a job over me, I'm not gonna be mad about it. I'm sure they earned it for whatever reason that is, even if it was handed to them.

[00:08:46] Okay, great. I'm happy for you. Mm. 'Cause I don't wanna walk around being upset that other people get things that I don't. I see it as a permission slip that what is mine will not miss me. I think what's interesting about what you're describing with your career in acting is that within the acting realm, there is so much of your career that's out of your control.

[00:09:11] Mm-hmm. Were you attracted to self-development, mindset coaching because the ball's in your court? Mm. You're the one in charge, you're leading your career versus so many decisions being out of your control. That's a great question because I never considered it. Actually, today is the eight-year anniversary of the day that I started my fitness business.

[00:09:36] But I never wanted to start it. I had been working at a gym on the weekends, every Sunday from 1:00 to 5:00. Shout out Snap Fitness. Greg, appreciate you. I cleaned on the weekend, and that got me a free gym membership. There was a gentleman there, Drew, who every time he saw me, "Hey, Tyler, I wonder if you could train me."

[00:10:00] "Drew, I don't do that. I appreciate it. That's just not m- what I'm here for." Month after month after month. I mean, this guy was persistent. Finally, I went to Greg and I was like, "Hey, you know, I think I'd be a good coach. Do you agree?" He was like, "Absolutely. I've been waiting for us to have this conversation.

[00:10:20] I was just gonna let you lead it." And in that moment it was, "Oh, maybe I can decide a little bit more for myself. I don't have to throw away the dream of an actor. I don't have to throw away these other things. I can set my schedule." And so I became a personal trainer, and that, that wasn't part of the plan, and I kept it that way 'cause during the days I would write.

[00:10:48] I think in 2018 I wrote 18 different shorts and started a couple features and pilots, and I just kept trying to create, not knowing where it would lead. And then it became like, "Oh, I actually really like helping people. Oh, maybe I'm, maybe I'm kinda good at this fitness thing." It's been an amazing journey, and that was when my business really started to expand to the point where I was no longer an actor, I was, "Oh, you're the fitness guy."

[00:11:23] And that was an identity shift where I was like, "Well, no, no, no. Like, I am an actor." But people kept seeing me for what they knew me for, not for how I viewed myself. This was not part of the plan. I'm still figuring it out. I'm still trying to piece it all together, but I also know, like, I am my biggest limiting factor.

[00:11:47] I can't control the stock market. I can't control w- world economy. I can't control what my neighbor does down the street. I can control how I respond to things and the thoughts I have around them. From there, my actions decide what I do next. And so I can act like I'm powerless in this industry, or I can choose how to show up, help others along the way, and build a community that allows people to see that, no, you are not going to be able to have control of everything.

[00:12:22] We trust people without seeing them, but then we look at the mirror at someone who has survived 100% of your worst days, and we question every choice they make.

[00:12:38] I trust myself I believe in me it might look different than I thought I wanted it to be But this is what it is now

[00:12:51] It's funny whenever I'm doing a headshot shoot- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm ... for an actor and they ask me how I got into this I think back to the path, and I'm just like, "Well, I never intended to do this- Mm. "... and I never intended- Yeah ... to be a podcast producer." Right. But it's almost beautiful how it turned out. Mm-hmm. I, I think now I fall on the side of, you know what?

[00:13:10] It's all gonna work out. Toss it away. The only way it doesn't work out is if you stop. That's it. The only way I don't have the acting career is if I stop acting, is if I stop auditioning, if, i- if I stop putting myself out there. The only way that I don't get what I'm chasing after is if I stop. Are there going to be more effective ways to do it?

[00:13:37] Certainly. But we live in a media age where never has it been more accessible at your fingertips to get people to know who you are. So nowadays, we actually have more of an opportunity to put ourselves out there. That doesn't mean it's gonna be easy. It doesn't mean that you're just gonna make it just 'cause you want to.

[00:14:04] Right. You don't make it just 'cause you want to. That's not guaranteed for anybody. But if you don't try, that is the guarantee that you won't make it, period. And you can take some time off. You can step away. I know in '21 I stepped away for a bit. I wanted to focus on my mental health. I wanted to focus on the things that I could control, and coming back from the pandemic and trying to figure out how you fit in, uh, we're still so unsure of where the industry is So how do we give ourselves certainty in an uncertain field?

[00:14:44] I went back to rejection and back to self-worth, where I started questioning, am I just not good? Do I, do I not have it? And I go back to the only way you can't have it is if you stop putting yourself out there. And so I would rather be seen trying on stage than sitting in the audience watching someone else do the thing.

[00:15:09] Mm-hmm. I would much rather be seen publicly trying, publicly putting out effort, and trying to, to find my voice, than to just watch other people get the things that they want and see it as, "Well, it's 'cause that's who they are." Like, "Well, they just have it better than I do." That's a permission slip. Yo, if they can do it, why not me?

[00:15:35] I have a buddy who blew up on TikTok, YouTube, Insta, everything. He's closing in on 10 million followers across all platforms. I would not wanna do what he does. But I am so happy for him. I'm not jealous, I'm not envious. I think it's awesome that he found his thing, and he's crushing it And if he can do it, why can't I?

[00:15:58] In my own way, it is very much a permission slip, so when I see local Atlanta actors, series regulars now, or recurring guest stars or things like... It's like I am so happy for you. Like, you stuck with it. How many of our friends are no longer doing it? The only way we can't figure it out is if we stop trying.

[00:16:18] Yeah. And so it seems simple in nature, but what if everything about life has taught us to overcomplicate everything? We are so inundated with information, with, "Oh, this person did... Oh, that person did..." It's just shiny objects everywhere, that we forget, "Hey, am I going to bed on time? Hey, am I not being mean to myself every single day?

[00:16:43] Hey, did I move my body? Did I eat something that was, like, good for me today? Did I eat at all?" Everybody is different, and every body is different. How your body's gonna respond to a thing and how mine, they're just different. So I need to find the strengths, the cards in my hand, that I'm like, "Oh, these are good."

[00:17:04] Mm. Now I know how to play them. What gets measured gets managed. If I'm not measuring, if I'm not paying attention to me, how I operate, how I show up in the world, how can I possibly grow? Yeah. I don't always have to be growing, but we do need seasons of, okay, let me gain information, experience, rest. Gain, experience, rest.

[00:17:27] If we look at Olympic athletes, they stress their bodies, get ready to go, and then compete at the highest level. They don't keep stressing their bodies immediately after that for the next, you know, two months, two years, and just keep running themselves into the ground. No, they rest. We need to rest and recover so that we can actually show up and perform.

[00:17:48] We covered everything with acting. Yeah. I wanna talk a little bit now about how you got into the mindset work, how you got into this new phase of your career and your life. I appreciate these types of questions, because I don't get to talk about this a lot. Normally, it's, "Hey, can you help me with this?"

[00:18:08] "Hey, I'm going through a breakup. What can I do?" Mm. "Hey..." Like, I go live on TikTok every day, and I do self-help coaching, right? So we talk about self-worth, relationships, fitness, nutrition, and rejection. Rejection, which, the first topic, is something that I talk about almost every day. And so- I can appreciate a good question where it's like, "Yeah, but how did you get into this?"

[00:18:32] All of my stuff now started as a fitness coach. That allowed me to have endless hours with multiple individuals, and I'm telling them all to do the same thing. Let's say everyone's doing a squat. Everybody is different and every body is different. So I would tell you and three other people to do a squat, and you'd all have your own little twists to it.

[00:19:00] It was the same general movement conducted differently. And then I, as a coach, had to then go, "Okay, here's what I'm seeing." And so in one hour, I would get four hours of education. I would actively be watching people go through the process of struggling, of overcoming, of believing in themselves, and also Not always enjoying every minute of it, right?

[00:19:32] And so, okay, how can I make this fun for them, for one? How can I get them results? How can I also do what's best for them? In the fitness world, there tend to be people being like, "Well, you didn't do it my way, so it's wrong." I don't agree with that mindset. My way has worked for me, and if I am your coach, I have to do what's best, what's in your best interest.

[00:19:56] So I don't agree with keto. There are only certain populations that need to be doing keto. I don't agree with it for everybody. But if you were to tell me, "Hey, this is what I'm doing," great. Then I need to know what I can to help you get your goals. And so there was a very meta experience in teaching other people how to help themselves that I then had to pull back from my knee-jerk reactions.

[00:20:24] I then had to challenge my internal compass at times, where it was like, "No, this is how I would do it, but that doesn't mean that's how they're gonna do it." And slowly, it then went into nutrition. Everyone has a relationship with food. You will have a relationship with food for the rest of your life. If you have a bad relationship with food, you're gonna struggle for life.

[00:20:53] And I wanted to start helping people have better relationships with their food. So I have this course called Fix Your Food Relationships, and it's a 12-step process. You know, we talk about when you're eating, why you're eating, what you're eating, how you're eating, and where you're eating. When, what, where, why, how?

[00:21:11] Okay. But within that, it gave people an opportunity to look at themselves and go, "Oh Maybe I was just not doing this the way that was best for me. It's not that they were doing it wrong. When I correct someone's form or I say, "Hey, what if we tried this?" "Oh, so I was doing it wrong." It feels like a standardized test, and as the child of two educators, and my brother, who is now a professor, the education system was very much a you're right or you're wrong, A, B, C, or D.

[00:21:46] There are no other options. You don't get a do-over. And I know and you know that is not how life works. You- you're gonna learn a lesson until you get it, and you might be learning that lesson for a couple years. And I started learning more about habits. I started learning more about growth mindset. And also, there's nothing like being in a relationship that teaches you about these things.

[00:22:10] And so yeah, 'cause you become close with someone who thinks completely differently than you. And so you and I both as photographers, right? I'll use this as example, okay? If we take a photo of this front on, that's what it looks like. That's the truth of the matter. But we could have taken it from here, from here, from here, from here.

[00:22:34] It's your perspective of it. There's a Instagram page- Mm-hmm ... where they send four or five different photographers the same raw image, and they say- Edit this ... and then we look- Yeah ... at them side by side- Yeah ... and they're like, "Oh, this person saw this as- Mm-hmm ... a dramatic portrait. This person saw this- Yep ... as something completely different."

[00:22:52] Exactly. It's beautiful to see those different perspectives even from the same, exact same image. Yep, same image, same prompt, same setup, but how you are gonna see the world and how I'm gonna see the world is different. We have a couple different lenses on the cameras. They're all capturing relatively the same image, but the lens through which we're looking at it is different.

[00:23:17] So if I can shift the lens that I'm using in a specific situation, can I then take out the knee-jerk emotional reaction? And so with, with the mindset stuff, with those perspectives, I just really started to shift the lens that I used in different situations because rather than seeing that in a very hyper-focused macro lens, I was like, "Let me see the big picture.

[00:23:42] Let me pull out to a 16 millimeter, and w- what is this allowing me the opportunity to learn in this moment? Do I wanna see a problem, or do I wanna see a learning opportunity?" What brings you joy with the work that you're doing? One of the things that I love as a coach is more hands-on communication. That way we're not going week to week, and then you have to spout out 14 different things that you get today.

[00:24:10] You're updating me throughout the week, and then we do a little WhatsApp messaging. We do voice notes. It's connected. It's personal training. It's personal. And this client in particular, really struggling with self-worth, really struggling with direction, and is having some relationship issues, sends me a message.

[00:24:33] I didn't respond the way I always used to. This person got very reactive, got very emotional, and I realized it was not my responsibility to feel bad for their choices. I did not have to feel guilty and try and fix their situation. They were having an emergency, that is not my urgency. And this is someone who on our first call, before we even started, this wasn't even a paid call.

[00:25:04] This was a, "Hey, you wanna work together?" In tears, crying, shaking. "Whoa, hey. You're safe. It's okay. Let's take some deep breaths. I don't have to... I have power. I have security. I have a choice here

[00:25:30] Okay Knowing, knowing that I have been that person in the past and afraid of disappointing people, afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of not being enough, like I felt such a connection with this individual of I got this and her having had that moment prior and knowing what I knew about her for her to come that far in two months

[00:26:07] Clearly I still like, I'm like, "Oh, that's so rewarding. What a gift to be a part of that journey." Mm-hmm. And that's what it was with fitness when people hit their goals, but it was not only the fitness goals, but it was the mindset goals. If I want to be someone who goes to the gym, I need to act like someone who goes to the gym, and normally they go to the gym.

[00:26:29] So how can I start changing my identity, changing how I view myself? Because for most people, I've lost 60 pounds. People don't look at me and go, "Oh yeah, you know what I've been through." But I do. I'm at a point now where I've just been doing this for so long that it is who I am. But it wasn't always this way.

[00:26:56] I had to change my identity. To do that, you have to challenge it, and that's one of the hardest things. Like, taking that first step, asking for help, people don't realize how brave that is. And for you and I, both men, asking for help isn't always the most encouraged thing for us. One of the things that I'm working on, especially for the men in my circle, but also in my community, it's like: Hey, you are allowed to ask for help.

[00:27:26] You're not a burden. Like, you don't have to do it alone. We are tribal people. We are communal people, and if you are always feeling like you have to wear your armor at all times, when are you ever resting? You're just contracting the whole time. And so I always try and lead from a place of safety. Safety, comfortability, fun.

[00:27:53] I've never done this before. I've never been in a safe space before. I've never been in a healthy relationship before. I've never been a gym person before. Is it really that difficult, or is it new? Do you play an instrument? No, not currently. I grew up playing instruments. Okay. Give me one. Guitar? Violin.

[00:28:11] Violin. Okay. So you as a violinist, you practiced, you did the thing. It is clear that it can be done. I've never done it before. I have no idea what it is. Is it completely new for me, or is it difficult? You are giving me proof that it can be done. I'm over here like, "There's no way I can do this." Is it new or is it difficult?

[00:28:37] Shift the perspective, because that allows me then to learn. If I go into a thing knowing, "Oh, this is gonna be so hard," like my body's gonna tense up. I'm not gonna have that expansion for, "Oh, that didn't work. Oh, that didn't work." Jazz is just playing the next note correctly. It's a bunch of wrong notes with the next note played correct.

[00:28:58] Isn't that life? Isn't that what we're doing here? Like, "Oh, that wasn't the right note." And we try again, and we try again. And sometimes, you know, it's easier to play that right note, but if I just see certain opportunities as this is difficult- Yeah ... oh, this is new. There's like, some magic in that. And that's what I've really loved about the coaching, where it's like each person is bringing their own set of struggles.

[00:29:23] And for me, I adapt to where they're coming at it from, and then it's like, "Hey, you're safe here." And a lot of them, they're like, "W- I don't know what that is." Great. We'll learn together. And I think that all goes back to what we were saying a little bit earlier about just the love of learning, being a lifelong learner, and that's what keeps you fascinated with it.

[00:29:48] And I just wanna take a quick moment just to step back and just say I'm proud of you, and I'm proud of the development and the steps that you've made, and it's been really... I wrote a letter to you about that. You did. It's encouraging to see. It's a blessing when somebody finds what their calling is and they find something that they truly love, and stepping into who they're meant to be.

[00:30:09] Mm. So I wanna say it's wonderful seeing you do that. It's always wonderful seeing you, but it's wonderful to see you step into this new phase of your career, and keep going, man. I love it. I love it. That sounded like we're wrapping up. We're just getting into some deeper questions. Yeah. No, no, I... You just wanted to watch me tear up again, right?

[00:30:26] Yeah. It's the clickbait. Yeah. Nope, that works. I'm like, you, you said you're proud of me. I'm like, "Mm." Thanks, Dad. Keep it in. Keep... Mm, I'm cool. I'm fine. We're gonna dive into some- Tips ... some subjects that I think that are, are gonna be really, really beneficial for anybody listening, and- Mm ... first one I wanna talk about is self-doubt.

[00:30:47] Do you think that self-doubt and imposter syndrome ever fully go away? Or do we just find ways to live with it? We find ways to live with it. I think at any level, wherever you are in your career, a relationship, a new endeavor, there are going to be pieces of doubt that come up. Like human's biggest fear is humiliation.

[00:31:20] Like that doubt, like, "Am I gonna be good enough? Am I in the right field?" Like you just gave me my flowers, which I'm very grateful for, about this new endeavor and how much I've grown Am I doing the right thing? Am I good? Like, am I enough? And that comes from a place of self-worth more so than external validation.

[00:31:45] And it's hard because nowadays we post online and people either like it or they don't. Or, "Oh, I got 100 positive comments, but I got that one negative." Why am I so reactive toward that but not toward all the good? And those little pieces can create that crevice of doubt, of that imposter syndrome, of maybe I'm not who I say I am or who I'm potentially pretending to be.

[00:32:15] And so is it something that ever really goes away? No. But I think you could say the same for grief and loss. We just get better at managing it, if we allow ourselves to, right? Oh, that's just a piece of me. It's a part of my story. It's not my whole story. And so when I, as the author of my story, can then look at it and go, "Okay.

[00:32:42] Hey, we're still writing this. And, you know, the pen gets a little shaky, sure, but, like, I get to decide how I'm gonna show up next." And yeah, you can have the doubts. You still do it anyway. And I think there's a lot of power in having the ability to confront your doubts. Mm. And not just confront them internally, but put them out in the world because we live in the, in the social media age that you're describing where everybody typically puts their highlight reel online.

[00:33:18] Mm-hmm. So I wanna know, what are your biggest self-doubts right now?

[00:33:26] Oof. Okay. Ah. Meat and potatoes. That was, that was a big bite. I wonder if the things that come up for me, 'cause I grew up in a household that there were expectations. That also created this level of expectancy that I now still carry to a degree, where I'm like, "If I don't have 100 people who are showing up for my community or for things that I'm doing, should I start doubting?

[00:33:59] Am I doing the right thing? Have I, have I done enough?" Like, and trying to parse between this is who I am and this is what I do, and I think that's one of the hardest things, especially for us creatives. I could go and just be a photographer. I could go and just be a personal trainer. I could go and just be an actor.

[00:34:21] I also need to survive. I also need to pay bills. So all of those things are playing, right? That just sounds like a giant ball of yarn, but the one thread that I can just pull on every single time with the self-doubt, with the imposter syndrome, I have always figured it out I have always 100% have figured it out.

[00:34:44] Even if I'm still figuring it out, trying to find my place as mindset and self-development, health and wellness, whatever you wanna call me, I'm a coach, and I wanna help you live a healthier, more sustainable life

[00:35:00] I'm figuring that out. But as I pull on that string, I don't know what's gonna come out. I don't know what that next little thread is going to be as I keep pulling, as I keep pulling. But also trying to keep it rigid, trying to just hold on just to hold on, I know that's only gonna allow me to grow so far.

[00:35:19] So if I can have a level of malleability or movement with it... Movement is medicine, both for our bodies and for our minds. There's a reason why we can keep learning even when we're older. Like, the brain is fascinating, and I don't wanna be the biggest obstacle in my way. And what you're talking about is obviously very connected to our idea of self-worth, and therefore connected to confidence.

[00:35:56] Mm-hmm. And confidence can be very hard to build. Mm-hmm. It can be hard to take those steps. What advice would you give to somebody who's trying to build confidence, whether it's in the gym, whether it's with their career? What's one piece of advice that you could give to a person, actionable, daily step that they can take- Mm-hmm

[00:36:18] to build confidence? I wanna give a sentence so that we can actually piggyback off of that. You cannot edit a blank page You've never been to the gym before. You've never had a fitness routine. Your page is blank. Like, sure, you've gone on hikes or sure, you've played in the playground, but ultimately, you've never been that gym person before.

[00:36:44] So the first thing you need to do is put something on the page. You need to go to the gym. Just go to the gym. One of my clients is very fearful of the gym. The biggest thing I said was, "I just want you to go to the gym three days this week. I don't care what you do. I don't care how long you're there for.

[00:37:03] If you just show up and you sit and just watch other people for 10 minutes, you're gonna realize that nobody's paying attention to you. They're all doing their own thing. But we need to start putting stuff on your page." From there, then it's, "Okay, why not try something? Why not just see what it is?" In a similar way, me as a violinist and you as a violinist, like, you have a page.

[00:37:30] You have notes. You have key changes. You have all these different things. I don't have anything. It's a blank page. So if I can allow myself to start trying and have that courage, "Oh, hey, that person looks like they know what they're doing. Hey, this feels kinda silly. I've never done a pushup before. Do you think you could give me, like, couple pointers on how to do it?"

[00:37:57] When you're in the right gym community, some of the most loving and caring people, because they know the struggle. They know what it's like to have a blank page and not be okay with what's on their page. The number of people who are so physically fit and, you know, you're like, "How could you possibly have, uh, concerns about your body?"

[00:38:17] Who are the most insecure individuals? Astounding how many people will, every day... Like, when I was on my weight loss journey, I could pick out every single thing that was wrong with me, and this is after losing a quarter of my body weight in pounds. I was 210 pounds, I went all the way down to 150, but I could still pick that out.

[00:38:38] For you, as you're creating your page, you have to have enough on it to start doing something with it. For actors, yo, you gotta get on set. Yo, you gotta take a class. You need to start building a page to actually start editing through. For me, you know, I always, I like to think I'm happy-go-lucky, and really, uh, friendly and personable and all this.

[00:39:03] But when I started putting myself out there, I was told, "No, you're the villain. You're the angry guy. You're the monster." I don't view myself as that as a person, but the roles that I kept getting were very, uh Mom, Dad, look what I did. Don't tell grandma. It's very funny to me because I don't look at you and see that, and it just kind of baffles me that you would be typecast in that way, even if it is just by appearance.

[00:39:40] Sure. Maybe I know your personality too well. And I appreciate that. One, I hope it speaks to my ability, and two, I also hope it speaks to the level of safety because even within those scenes, like you still have to be safe. Like, we want the actors doing their job, but you still gotta be safe. Yeah. For new gym-goers, like if you are just starting, the gym can be a very scary place.

[00:40:07] Start with, hey, just go for 10 minutes maybe once, twice a week. From there, next time, yeah, go try and just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes. Then from there, hey, try a couple machines. But you're not going to climb a staircase by jumping to the top. You have to climb it one step at a time, and breaking things down from massive goals into bite-sized pieces actually allows you to climb up the ladder, climb up the staircase.

[00:40:37] That's, that's where growth lives. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna pivot a little bit into the social media world because- Yeah ... I wanna talk a little bit about, we've talked a lot about how comforting it can be for other people f- when we expose that we're human and- Mm ... expose that we have flaws. Do you do that in your social media?

[00:40:59] Do you have moments where maybe it's a take where it's like I, I flubbed that, I said that kind of funny- Mm-hmm ... or there's something I'm not happy about with this content, but I'm still gonna put it out just to show, hey, I'm just like the rest of you. I don't have to be an insane perfectionist- Sure ... with everything that I do.

[00:41:17] I know that there are times where I try to- I try to speak very well and I try to get my points across, and sometimes that goes very well. Other times, it almost feels a little fabricated. I think one of the things, like just to call myself out, like that is something I can work on, absolutely, is like showing that I'm human.

[00:41:42] I try to do that even in a professional way, though. Like, I try to do that in a, "This is who I am," and not like really honoring the moment that I'm in. One, I don't think it's always the best idea to show people when you're going through it. I'm crying. Here, quick. Let's set this up and record. Yeah. Hmm. I, I don't find value in that 'cause I don't think that that's going to really bring in the human element of it.

[00:42:13] But I do know I posted just recently a, a blooper. Like, I was trying to say something, "When you're ready on your health," and... And it was so funny, and my girlfriend and I just died laughing, and for 20 sec- we're just laughing and she's laughing at me, I'm laughing at myself, and I just posted it. Yep, doesn't always go right.

[00:42:32] And I definitely do that more in my lives that I do every day, where you guys are watching me learn in real time. So my posts are a little more curated. My posts are, "Hey, here are my thoughts on this. Here, I'm gonna cut up the edit. Here you go." But in my live interactions, you know, I get 100 plus people in there every day.

[00:42:56] They're watching me learn in real time. They're watching me coach in real time. But then you get questions that come in, you're like, "Oh, I've never thought about that." Yeah. And I actively try to think out loud for them. If I give myself permission to publicly fail or publicly try, how many other people is that going to inspire to do the same?

[00:43:21] Maybe it's just one person on that day, maybe it's one person a week. But if that means that someone else then has the courage to go and do the thing or try the thing, that's pretty cool, and it's very powerful. Yeah. I'm very impressed at the rate that you post. I have joked with you about that before, where we texted recently and you were like- "Long time no see."

[00:43:44] And I'm like, "I see you every day," because- My bad ... as soon as I go on TikTok, I, I like, I know you're live. I start scrolling in the evening. I'm like, "Oh, there he is." Oh. I try to give you a little love every time, every time I'm on there. You do. That's great. But I'm envious of how consistent you are of- Are you envious of it?

[00:44:02] Yeah. Why? Because that's a personal goal that I've set for myself, and I fall off all the time. Hmm. Okay. And what, what advice do you have for someone like me- Mm-hmm ... who has, has this goal? Mm-hmm. I know how to take baby steps. I have it all written- Mm ... on the wall. I got my calendar behind me right there. Hey, that's it.

[00:44:26] Don't take it so seriously The more I tried to just have fun, the more I tried to just give my perspective. I actually then started talking about it. And some days, yes, I'll post 10, 15 times. Some days I'll post once. My biggest thing is, did I post today? Did I show up today? It's the same thing with the gym.

[00:44:49] Like, sure, you can be envious of my schedule, but I'm just trying to show up. Your best is not gonna be a 10 out of 10 every day. You might get a 10 out of 10 once every other week. But if I had five out of 10 to give, did I give that five? Posting on social media, especially you just asked, do I ever show the human side of it?

[00:45:11] Do I ever show those things? I'm just trying to show me one of the pieces of advice that I would've given my younger self don't take it so seriously i have always been very structured. i've always been so serious when i was in my acting program the first year i wanted every single person to know how hard i work because i'm like nope i'm doing this.

[00:45:39] like i treated it as an athlete because that's what i was used to The next year, one of the, the guys in the class, he just always had so much fun. Like, it was infectious. You always knew when Jordan was in the room. I don't know what that is, but I want it. Sure, I was envious of it, but I was more inspired by it.

[00:46:00] It was the inspiration, like, he's just having fun, man. And maybe it came from a place where it was lack of care, but for me, it was I need to do less. I need to do less better. I started having fun memorizing lines. I would go to the YMCA and swim and recite my lines as I would lap to lap to lap to lap, and it was fun.

[00:46:24] I would do acting exercises in different accents. I started rapping Eminem in different accents, and I would just throw up a different one, throw up a different one, throw up a different one, and it was fun. My growth just accelerated the more fun I had. And this same individual, my very first night I worked on The Vampire Diaries, he was killed by a drunk driver.

[00:46:48] And so, like, one of the highlights of my life became one of the darkest days that I had experienced. And we talked about managing things, and those things don't go away. You just get better at managing them, right? And so, for me, it's an honor to still be here because he helped me become the person I am today.

[00:47:11] And thinking about that fun, thinking about that growth, is there a way I can keep implementing that? Whether it is as an honor to him or as an honor to myself No one is getting out alive

[00:47:28] Maybe we don't need to take it so seriously Good answer. I see here- ... you don't believe in manifestation. No. Why?

[00:47:46] In the acting industry, you can manifest all of the great roles. It does not mean that any of them will ever come true. Right. That they will ever come to fruition. Ideas are great, but without execution, ideas are nothing. Manifestation without action is nothing. I can manifest the life I want for me, but thinking more about it, b- believing that it can come true, yes, I do think that's important.

[00:48:14] But manifestation, like I'm gonna manifest a series regular role. I'm gonna manifest a more secure internal compass. I'm gonna manifest the perfect body. You have to work for those things. You have to actually act to get those things, to receive those. So sure, have the vision board, the calendar, but your calendar is something that you're following.

[00:48:41] You're actually doing something with it. So manifestation, sure, think all the pretty thoughts. That's fine. I'm not saying that I don't have the ooh, oh yeah, I would love, you know, the high rise, the tall ceilings, the financial freedom. I would love that, and I'm just gonna manifest it No, I have to act in a way that is according to my goals.

[00:49:10] I have to behave in a certain structure so that those goals, that manifestation can come true. Even if you win the lottery, you still gotta play. You still have to buy a ticket. You still have to risk. Well I'll push back because I'm a firm believer in manifestation. Uh-huh. But I think it just comes down to a definition of manifestation.

[00:49:37] I would agree with that. I would very much agree with that, yes. Because I think there is a misconception that- Sure ... it is purely, "I think about it every day, and it's gonna come to me"- Right ... which my definition always includes action. Right, and I think that's why you are going to reach your goals, and other people will fall by the wayside- Yeah

[00:49:57] because of their own definition of manifestation. Right. So I agree with you. Will I manifest the life that I want? Yeah, maybe, but without that action, without actually pursuing toward it, how could I ever get there? So yes, your definition of manifest- We're on the same page ... and maybe I'm looking at it from a very extreme view, and the majority of people I see on social media posting about manifestation, how are you gonna manifest six figures and all the things if you're not doing anything about it?

[00:50:35] I appreciate the pushback. I got excited. Yeah. When you did that, I was like, "Ooh, what can I learn?" Yeah. That is the internal knee-jerk reaction that I've fixed for myself, was, "What can I learn from this?" Yeah. 'Cause I was wondering if you were gonna, like, give me your... And I was like, "Ooh, let's think about it."

[00:50:53] Yeah. Like, I love a thought exercise. It just- Have, have you ever done the 369 daily manifestation practice? No. Don't know what it is. So it's essentially a manifestation practice where you s- you set one goal. Mm-hmm. Being specific with it is better. Yeah. It's bet- better not to be too broad, not to be like, "Oh, I want money."

[00:51:18] Even if it's a specific with money. Mm-hmm. "I want $10,000 in my savings account." Totally. Like, you're a little bit more specific. The practice is essentially you write down, every day it's a new goal. Okay. A new manifestation. Right. You write it down three times- Okay ... in the morning. Yep. Six times in the afternoon.

[00:51:38] Mm-hmm. And nine times in the evening- Sure ... before bed. I could see that being very effective. Yes. There's some people that take that and just say, "Okay, great, then money's gonna flow my way." Mm-hmm. But it's more about setting this mindset of what would it be like to have that $10,000- Mm-hmm ... which puts the actions in progress.

[00:51:57] If I start believing that I am this person who has the $10,000, I start showing up in my life differently, and the more that I put that down on paper, "I have 1,000 subscribers. I have 100,000 followers. I have, I have, I have," then I am more fixated on that end result, and the goals then that get me there, I can only think about it so much.

[00:52:23] Do you have a- current manifestation goal? If you had, if you had one where you're just like a million YouTube subscribers. Mm-hmm. Yeah. At this point I'd love to just get to 1,000. I'm under 300, so that's fine. But I, but I also, so like I, I blew up on social media on Instagram, and everyone thought that that changed things for me.

[00:52:48] It actually made it worse. I was criticized more. I was challenged more. My finances did not get better. What? I was making more money when I had 2,000 followers than when I had 28, 30,000. Yeah. Wasn't even close. People assumed and expected because now I had that, that everything changed. They started acting differently around me, and I'm like, "This is weird."

[00:53:18] And so I'm trying not to have arbitrary goals. Okay, I'm close to 10,000 followers on TikTok. I've been on since July. Started a new channel, about nine months to get to 10K. I like that. My goal now is to get the next 10K in less time. That's it. So instead of nine months, I wanna get there in six months.

[00:53:45] Yeah. And then another 10 in three months. I don't want my limiting beliefs to stop what good is coming for me. Mm-hmm. It can be hard to set really specific goals when we're living on platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Mm-hmm. Because I live by this idea that you're never really safe on any of these platforms- No

[00:54:11] if you look at what happened to Vine, and with the drama of the past couple of years about the sale of TikTok. Yep. It's hard to ever feel secure. So you almost don't- Sure ... wanna set those goals of I want a million subscribers on TikTok. Absolutely, and that's very valid to where I was at this past week. I was on track to hit 10K, I don't know, three, four days ago.

[00:54:38] The last week when I've gone live, my reach was gone. A ton of creators were unable to reach their people, and it's like, wait, if I can't reach my people, how can I reach more people? Oh, no, I'm stuck. I think it took 10 days for me to go back to my normal viewership. Why was there that dip? Transition of ownership.

[00:55:00] Okay. Something was going on. The algorithm gods, possibly. I was gonna say the algorithm, which the algorithm is people. Yes. And the better you are connecting with people, the better you're gonna do. But if you can't reach people, good luck. And so I, my reach, I had to pivot, just like, hey, my acting career, I had to pivot towards personal training.

[00:55:25] For where you started, you had to pivot, podcast producing. And I made the comment very early on, I thought I wanted that. There are a lot of things I thought I wanted. I thought I wanted to be a series regular. Would I enjoy that? I'd love to say yes, but I've never done it before. They own you for six to 10 months of the year.

[00:55:48] You're on their schedule. You're on their press tour. I don't know, man. It sounds great in theory, but in actuality, I don't know. Oh, I would love to have the six-pack, to have the muscles, to have the body that I love to be in. You want to do the work that it takes to get there? You think you want it, and so we end up setting ourselves up for disappointment.

[00:56:13] When I lost 60 pounds, my depression got worse, not better. I looked at myself every day in the mirror and ripped myself a new one every single day. I ate the same foods every day. I weighed my food every day, counted calories for fourteen hundred and nine days in a row. And I saw my streak one day on MyFitnessPal, and I was like, "I never want to do this again."

[00:56:41] Because my weight would fluctuate half a pound, and I would rip myself a new one. I was tired of being inside my own head. I went to the grocery store and was in the cereal aisle and called my dad sobbing because I knew if I bought cereal that I would eat the entire box by the time I got home. It was an eight-minute drive, and I would eat the entire thing So sure, we can set those goals that we think is gonna solve our problems, or we can go toward those goals, and along the way, we can make pivots.

[00:57:19] We can readjust. On a hike, there's the mountaintop. I wanna know what that view is like. What ends up happening is people think they get a medal for getting there faster, and then once they're there, they realize this ain't it And that disappointment from the unrealistic expectations or even realistic expectations of what they thought it would be absolutely crushes them Looking around at other people who have those things, so I'm just comparing myself to everybody else's path.

[00:57:54] I want my path. This is mine. This is what I get to have a say in. And if I can just allow myself to kind of wind around, pivot as I will, right, I don't know what it's gonna look like. I don't know where I'm gonna be 10 years from now, five years from now. I don't know where I'm gonna be five months from now.

[00:58:11] Mm. How exciting. Ikigai. Yes. Have you heard of that? Yes. Ikigai. I love it. You know, what I'm good at, what the world needs, what I love to do, what makes me money. Yeah. Ikigai. And oh, my goodness, the more that I have just kind of narrowed in on like, oh, this is actually fun. You know, I can make money off of this?

[00:58:36] I'm good at it and the world needs it? Money, please. That's the next step. Yeah. You study any stoic philosophy? I, I have done a lot of stuff with stoicism. Yeah. Especially like Ryan Holiday's interpretation of it. Yeah. I've... That, The Obstacle Is the Way. Yes. Ego Is the Enemy. Yeah. Stillness Is Key. Like I loved those books.

[00:59:00] Yeah. I, I've read them multiple times. Yeah. It just, it struck me what you were just saying- Mm ... was just, it goes back to that stoic tenet of amor fati. Amor fati. I have the coin in my vehicle. Oh, yeah? Yep. So- Yeah ... if I go, I go. Yeah. I... You have survived 100% of your worst days. When you stop surviving them, you don't have to worry about it anymore.

[00:59:25] That's true. Sounds morbid. It's very, very simple in concept. Every bad day you have ever had, you made it out. You're here now, and that thing shaped you into who you are today. Whether it was fair, whether it was deserving, whether you earned that pain, heartbreak, whatever it was, it made you who you are today.

[00:59:48] You could have chosen to take that poison and in- infect others, or you could take that poison, that pain, and turn it into purpose and passion. So yeah, you're gonna survive 100% of your worst days and until then, keep trying. Keep putting yourself out there. The only way that you diminish it is when you stop

[01:00:17] I was struggling for a moment to figure out how to end this podcast because- Mm-hmm ... I have one question that I always ask people at the end but you've already answered that question. Yes. So we're gonna- I see ... skip that one. The question that I traditionally ask is- Yeah ... what is some advice that you would give to your younger self?

[01:00:36] And you- Mm ... beautifully went on about don't take it so seriously. Mm. So- Can I add to it? Yes, you may. Okay. Of course. Become the version of yourself that you needed when you were younger. How I handle life now- I would have been so good for my younger self to be around, like to look up to, to be a mentor, role model, whatever you have.

[01:01:03] Become the version of yourself that you needed when you were younger. You're chasing that version of you because that version of you has gone through everything that you're going through, has experienced everything you're going through. They're not some random athlete, they're not some random celebrity who's never lived a day in your shoes.

[01:01:20] No, this is a version of you, the next best version of you, who has experienced every single thing you've ever walked through, went through, and w- overcame. That's your hero. That's who you want to become, and that version of you is who you're gonna have needed when you were younger. That's a beautiful answer.

[01:01:44] Thanks, man. A lot of beautiful answers today. This was really nice. It was great. We only scratched the surface of what I had written down. I sent you one question last night, we didn't even touch on that question. Is there a part two? Do I get to come back? We'll have to have you to talk more about this.

[01:01:56] I'd love to. But in the meantime, where can people find more of your content? Where can we be tuning in? So across all channels, officialtylerbuckingham. Sounds super pretentious, feels that way too. It was the name that they had across all of them, so I was like, "All right, we're gonna do that." But also sets me up nicely for the opposite of it when I'm playing my villain, some- Unofficial Tyler Buckingham.

[01:02:23] So there I have an online community called The Bucking Fit Life. There's a free version that's gonna help you for 30 days start building structure. I help individuals in a safe space find purpose and empower them to build better, healthier lives for themselves, and a lot of that means you gotta come back to yourself.

[01:02:49] I really wanna help people, and it's been a fun journey. I love more than, like, who I've m- met online, the people I've m- met in person like yourself. You make me a better person, and I am so unbelievably grateful for that. Oh, thank you. Thank you. We are a reflection of the people around us. True. And the fact that you are one of the people that I look up to, that I enjoy being around, that just makes my life better, I'm so grateful.

[01:03:20] I feel exactly the same way, buddy. This is, this was long coming, this podcast. Hmm. And I already told you earlier, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the development that your career has taken you and the direction that it's taken you. And for that daily dopamine hit- Mm-hmm ... I encourage everybody to give you a follow, especially on TikTok, just for that reason.

[01:03:42] Yeah. Because it does always make me happy when I flip and- Yeah ... and there's, there's your face, giving, giving us, us people- Yeah ... some help, some direction. Everybody please go check out Tyler's work, and thanks for stopping by. We'll have you back. Friend of the podcast. Can't wait. All right, bud. Thanks, buddy.

[01:03:59] Thank you.